Back in 2007, I kept getting emails from people in my contact list asking me to join Facebook. I ignored most of these messages, since many were coming from my former students in Mexico, with whom I rarely, if ever, communicated. Then, I started getting Friend Requests from people I would actually call my friends. I gave in and created a Facebook account.
When I set up my account, I did not let the program go through my list of email addresses, and send out Friend Requests to everyone on my contact list. Many people, for whom I have email addresses, would not be interested in using Facebook. I also have business contacts, and I think it would be tacky for them to receive an email from Facebook.
Initially, I loved the idea of Facebook. I thought it was very cool to reconnect with people I used to hang out with in university. It gave you that "where are they now" update. It made it extremely easy to keep up with my true friends, and just drop them a line to find out if they were available for coffee, or a playdate with our kids. People upload their pictures, and I can see how they are doing, even though they are so far away.
I have friends all over the world. Really, these are people I make an effort to see if I am in their part of the world. I have friends in France, Germany, Hawaii, Mexico, Uruguay and various provinces in Canada. Quite a few of these friends, I connect with through Facebook. I used to use Windows Messenger for chatting, but Facebook tends to be the norm now. I think more people like to connect through this medium. Most people no longer send emails, but messages through Facebook.
I assume the majority of my "friends" were either already active requests that popped up when I created an account. Or, I sought out my own friends: people with whom I was interested in keeping touch.
That being said, I would say 75% of my "friends" I never post anything on their pages, or try to contact at all. I keep thinking I should cull my list and whittle it down to the people I "talk" with on a regular basis. Kind of like cleaning out your closet of clothes you no longer wear. Get rid of the clutter.
Now, I seem to be getting Friend Requests from people in my home town. I am still friends with a handful of people I graduated with, 20 years ago. However, I have recently been getting requests from people I haven't spoken to in about 20 years. Some of them will send multiple requests.
A few months back, I would usually accept a request from someone, if I knew them, even though we hadn't been in touch for 20 to 25 years. Now, I usually think first, "Will I ever communicate with this person? Have we been communicating with each other recently?" If either answer is no, I will ignore the request.
I am not trying to be rude, or make a statement on how I feel about these people. I just don't see the point of having someone on my network if I will never see them socially. Many of these requests have been from people I wasn't friends with 20 years ago. Or, we were friends, when we were 12 years-old, but stopped being friends before I graduated.
I often wonder what the motivation is on the part of the person making the request. Are they truly interested in reconnecting with me, or are they just trying to build up their "friend cache"? Social networking is a great way to communicate with people, but if it doesn't actually lead to face to face contact, what is the point?
One of my friends' husband, who isn't even on Facebook, says he is trying to reduce the number of friends he has down to one or two. It was probably meant tongue in cheek, but he also had a point. His wife kept accepting requests from everyone because she felt guilty if she ignored them. I am here to say, ignore those requests. People are being lazy, trying to contact you through Facebook. If they truly want to be your friend, they will find another way to make it known.
Now, how do I remove people already on my list without making them think I don't "like" them anymore?
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