Too much contemplation leads to absurd thoughts

Lately, I have been thinking about the insects I kill. You know, the tiny ant crawling on my clothes in the laundry basket, easily squashed by a finger. Or, the fruit fly buzzing around my compost bucket, feeding off the rotten banana peel. I can usually get those by clapping my hands together. Of course, the mosquito definintely deserved to die after it had bitten me in the middle of the night.

Then I think, what if my neighhbourhood is inside some giant's laundry basket, and a large finger could come down, and squash me just as easily? What a horrible way to die. Just minding my own business, hanging my clothes out to dry, and a giant finger comes down and squashes me into the ground.

This is a riduculous thought, equating myself to the ant. It doesn't have a brain, and certainly was not spending its time, walking along the edge of my laundry basket, asking, what does it all mean? One moment it is firing electrical impulses causing its limbs to move, its antennae to twitch, picking up environmental clues as to where it should be going, and the next, it is crushed, immobile, dead.

Maybe this is how people start to become vegans. If you are feeling remorse for killing an ant, imagine the guilt of eating something much more sentient. But, I still eat meat, without regret for the most part. My absurd thoughts on anticide have not stopped me from being an omnivore. I certainly have been spending way too much time contemplating why we are here, and what it all means.

These philosophical mind wanderings are quite a challenge for an atheist. I do not believe in God, or in an all knowing, judging creator. I have quite the pragmatic scientist mind. But, I do wonder about what will happen to our world in the future, and whether there are other worlds like ours that have existed, and will exist in the future. Makes you pause and contemplate why we spend so much time hurting each other, fighting, and being greedy. However, as I have said before, we tend to focus on our immediate wants and needs, and the big picture is so often irrelevant to our individual lives.

I would love to have a "zen" attitude all the time, but I know all to well how our own personalities, desires, and needs can come into conflict with others. Especially as a mom. How many times do I tell myself to not get frustrated with my children, only to be frustrated? Maybe what I need to do is, step back before I start to raise my voice, and think about the ant.

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