Making their own friends

My daughter has just started SK (Senior Kindergarden). This is her second year of full time school. She seems to be doing well so far, and has not forgotten everything she learned last year. She goes to a small school, but it is getting bigger. This year there are two Junior Kindergarden classes. Because of increased enrollment in her school, there are also two SK classes. They mixed up the two JK classes from last year to make the two new SK classes. A lot of the students she played with last year, ended up in the other class. In fact, everyone she invited to her birthday party at the end of August are in the other class.

I remember reflecting last year on how she is making her own friends. Before, her friends came out of circumstance. They are the children of my friends, or people we met through playgroup. When she started school, she began meeting children without their parents present. She chose who she would play with. Often she would get off the bus, and ask to go to this girls' house. Sorry, but mommy does not know your friend's last name, phone number or address. We did not get around to making a playdate.

All summer, she never saw her "best friend" from school. I even sent an email, but did not get a reply. The girl is in her class again this year, thankfully. My daughter has been playing with her often. But, there are "new" children in her class now. I do not know if her friend already knows some of these new kids. There is always the chance other friendships will develop throughout the year. This could be true of my daughter as well. The dynamics of school relationships are tricky, and I worry about my daughter. Often friends come about through seating arrangements, locker placements, or whose class you are in.

I did not have one best friend throughout my school years. I had some good friends, and maybe a best friend for a year or two, but things changed, and people grow apart. I was younger than most of my classmates, and had friends in the lower grades. In grade 4, I lived in France for a year. I had a best friend there, but when I came back, all the girls in my class were in their cliques, and I had a tough time fitting in. My younger friends had also moved on. I did not enjoy school in grade 5 or 6.

In grade 7, we were in junior high, and the kids from the other elementary school were in our classes, so I met some new people. I had a best friend in grade 7, 8, and 9, but she moved to Australia, and dumped me a several weeks before she left. Moving to Australia made her cool, and I was not part of the cool group. The remainder of my school years, I had a group of friends, but not one "go to" person. However, I am still in touch with that group of women, and we see each other almost every year.

I actually have a lot of close friends. They are usually people I lived with during university, or when working abroad. Unfortunately, because I moved around in my youth, many of my dear friends do not live near me. The invention of instant messaging, and now Facebook, has enabled me to stay in touch with most of my friends, and we are able to pick up where we left off whenever we see each other. It will be interesting to see how my daughter develops friendships over the years. One of my closest friends, I call her my best friend, I have known since Kindergarden, but our friendship developed the year after we graduated high school.

I know there is not much we can do for our kids at school. I hope my daughter is well liked, and not as shy or introverted as I was. In the end, I turned out to be a fairly good egg. I am sure my daughter will have trials, and tribulations. She will come home crying about how she hates her friends. But, I need to give her the strength to move on, and keep going. Or, it could be smooth sailing for her for the next 11 years. You never know.

 

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