Finding a Zen Moment in Tantrums

The other day, I was on my way to a parenting discussion group to find out how to deal with tantrums. My son was on his third breakdown of the morning, and it was not even 10am. This most recent fit had been spurred by me going into the library to grab some books on hold, while he was still in the van. He was screaming (screeching) at the top of his lungs, pleading me not to drive the van, not to leave the library. He had already worked himself up several times this morning, so this most recent breakdown happened quite quickly.

The five minute drive from the library to the discussion group was excruciating. I did pretty well, tuning him out, but I was also trying to calm down the poor guy. He was kicking off his boots, pulling off his socks, and clawing at his carseat restraints. When we finally stopped in the parking lot, he refused to get out of the van. He did not want to go to playgroup. He was still fixated on being left out of the brief library excursion.

For another five minutes, I try to negotiate a way to get him out of the van, and into the childcare room. The main thought going through my head was how I needed to get inside to get the tools to stop his tantrum, so we could get inside. I was saying, "Mommy just needs to run in, and get the tip sheets, and then we can leave.". He wanted to stay in the van. Most people do not look on it favourably when you leave your young child in your vehicle. Besides, I knew the minute I closed the door he would be in worse hysterics than he currently was, if that was even possible.

Eventually, rational thought began to creep into his brain again, and he seemed to understand my reasoning. He calmed down, and remembered I had offered him a tiny toy dinosaur. I carried him into the childcare room, bootless, and sockless. He let me leave him while I tried to get some advice on how to deal with the very situation I just experienced. Apparently, he was subdued the whole time I was away. The ladies were worried he was sick, but he was just recovering. He expended a great deal of energy with his last tantrum.

My saving grace was that I chose to remain calm. Now, I know there are times when I yell at my children. Usually it is when they are not listening, or we are attempting to get out the door for the bus. But, I have been trying very hard to stop doing this, and take my time, and speak calmly with my children, especially well they are flipping out. It makes it very difficult to use the question, "Is Mommy yelling at you?", when Mommy is actually yelling at them. If I remain calm, I have the upper hand. I am the rational adult, and I can show my child that being calm, and asking politely is the way to get things accomplished.

I know, easier said than done! But, practice makes perfect. My discussion group was focussing in the Triple P strategies to cope with parenting issues. Now, I did not necessarily learn anything I did not already know, but I got some validation for ways I have dealt with my children's tantrums in the past. Sometimes, there is no reasoning with your kids when they are in full blown banshee wailing mode, but sometimes, you can get them to calm down, and figure out what they want.

For the past few days, I have taken a breath before I have to deal with one of my screaming children. I try very hard not to raise my voice, and I try to get my kids to see there is no reason for them to be flipping out. Now, I just need to help my husband find his Zen Moment during our children's fits, and we'll be the best parents ever. One can always dream!

http://www9.triplep.net/

 

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