Finding a Babysitter

During my run this evening, I was listening the episode 198 of Spark from CBC. The topic was locating babysitters through a social network. Blogger, Bonnie Stewart, weighed in on the dilemma of who can you get to watch your children. She reviewed the app/website called urbansitter that is designed to connect parents with sitters through a social network.

It is linked through Facebook, and even before you get to see how the program works, it asks personal information about you, your children and where you live. Bonnie pointed out that it is not very popular yet in Canada and she was the first person in her community to sign up. This meant, it would not be able to link her with a sitter in her area because no sitters had signed up yet.

She also pointed out the major flaw in this system is how we discourage interactions online between teens and adults. We might already have the right connections to find babysitters, online, through our own personal networks, but we are still separated by that one degree. How often are we, as adults, warned against the perils of befriending young people online? Especially as a teacher, I am told to keep my professional distance.

I am not friends with any teens on Facebook. Unfortunately, most of the local people I have in my contacts do not have children old enough to babysit my own kids. However, maybe they know of a good babysitter. My husband tried seeing if some of his students would be available, but the good ones all have jobs on the weekend. We do not have family nearby, so we can't drop the kids off at Grandma and Grandpa's or have them come over here. We have not gone on a date in months.

I would probably never consider using a site like urbansitter. It seems strange having a stranger watch your children, even if the sitter was recommended by Cindy from playgroup. I have thought about cooperative babysitting, such as asking my friends who have children the same age as mine if they would watch our kids one night in exchange for us watching theirs another night. I have not had the nerve to ask anyone yet. Most of my local friends have grandparents or family who can watch their children, so they have no need for us.

For now, our dates are limited to times when we are visiting my parents in Oakville, or, if they come up for a visit, we might go out one night. We usually do not take advantage of these opportunities though, as we are busy most days when we are visiting, and we would have to plan a date ahead of time. Seriously, for my birthday, Christmas or Mother's day, I would love to have a babysitter voucher. Do you know of any good babysitters?

 

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Crafty Morning: Princess Door Hanger

My daughter and I made a door hanger for her bedroom using scrap paper and magazines. You use the pictures of hair and skin to make the princess. The sheets can be done with wrapping paper. The pajamas are from other magazine scraps. If you can find pictures of flowers, they can be used too.

I got the idea from an Usborne book called Bricolages pour les filles, which I took out of the library. My daughter really wants to make the mermaids.

Here's the instructions, and our result.

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Reliving Our Lives Through Music and TV

I have been on a Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angle kick of late. Yes, I admit it, and I am proud to say, I love Buffy. If you scoff, you have not seen the show. It is well written and extremely entertaining. All of the episodes are currently available on Netflix.

Rewatching the episodes got me reminiscing about what was going on in my life the first time I watched them. I started watching BTVS a few years after it started. I was lucky to have found it after a less than stellar first season, and was hooked. In fact, for much of the first run of the episodes, I was out of the country or did not have cable. I had my parents record episodes on their VCR (it was before TiVo and DVRs) so I could watch them when I came home.

It is funny to think how technology has changed so much that all of these old television programs are readily available to us. We do not even have to worry about recording programs on our DVRs because they are available online or through sites like Netflix. When I first started watching Buffy, it was very difficult to find episodes for the first few seasons, so I could catch up. Eventually, DVD boxed sets were available, but now we only have to look online, and we can find them all.

How many of us are rewatching the shows of our youth? Quantum Leap, the original Knight Rider, Thirty Something and many more are on Netflix. If you have the time to spare, you can be thrown back to a period in your past, remembering when you first watched them.

It is not just TV shows that are online. I remember recording songs off of the radio when I was younger. I would wonder if I would be able to hear them again after a few months. That would be the reason to buy an album or a CD because you never knew when they would stop playing your favourite songs. Now, everything is available on iTunes, or at least online. I recreated mixed tapes as mixed CDs using mp3 files I found online. It is not even worth burning CDs nowadays, just make a playlist with your song files.

We are able to relive our lives through various forms of media. Whenever I hear "Venus" by Bananarama I have a vivid visual of getting reading for a Halloween dance. Thinking about episodes of Moonlighting always brings up memories of piano lessons and coaching gymnastics because the show aired on the day of the week I was busy with these activities.

We all must be hungry for nostalgia because of the increased availability of these forms of entertainment. On top of that, we see old themes revisited in new shows. Old songs are sampled for the latest top 40 hit. We look back on our pasts with a certain longing. Maybe we think of how we could change things with what we know now. Remembering is nice, but, fortunately there was enough forward thinking out there to create the means for us to be able to experience parts of our pasts, if for only a brief time.

I am having fun with Buffy. It's nice to see an "old friend". But, in a few days, I will get back to living my life in the present, and looking forward to my children's future. We can only reminisce for so long before we need to get back to reality. Still, if you've never seen Buffy or Angel, try it out. You may be surprised, and become hooked yourself.

 

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Why Has Eating Gotten so Complicated?

Don't eat read meat. Avoid dairy and soy. Try a gluten free diet for better health. Become a vegan. Stay away from GMOs. Eat only raw food. When did eating become such a chore? Has food changed so much in the last 20 years that we need all these complicated rules? Sometimes it is just overwhelming. Are we making the right choices for ourselves and our families? Did we condemn our children to a life of bad health because we indulged while we were pregnant?

I look at the foods available in the supermarket, and yes, there are a lot of new products. However, there are also many of the same products available today that were available when I was growing up as a child. Much like how my children play with the same toys I played with, they are eating the same kinds of foods I ate.

We had Swanson meat pies for dinner sometimes. We ate chips and hot dogs and drank pop at birthday parties. We drank...juice, gasp! We went trick or treating and came home with bagfuls of horrible candy and chocolate. Something has changed. I guess it is because these bad foods were "treats" when we were growing up, and now they are the norm.

I think back to how much exercise we got as kids. Where I grew up, everyone had to walk to school. We would often play with our friends on the way home. We watched TV too. It was the start of the gaming age, so we played video games. We also played with our other toys, like cars, Barbies and Lego. We did a lot of imaginative play. I remember a rock on my back yard that lead to the Batcave. We pretended we were characters from the Hercules cartoon. See, we were inspired by our TV watching.

I see my children doing the same thing. We generally limit their TV time, and they are involved in activities like gymnastic, swimming and soccer. Their imaginative play is based on TV, game and movie characters. In fact, I think we do much more engaging activities with our children than my parents did with us. Granted, we would go out and play with our friends down the road, but my children do not know the kids on our street. Their friends from school do not live nearby.

My hometown was small, and self contained. Kids went to one of two schools, so our friends from school were probably our neighbours too. There were no major through ways in our town, therefore, traffic was not an issue. Where we live right now is not much bigger in population, but there are four school boards, and even more schools. Friends might live a five to fifteen minute drive away. Plus, there is a highway nearby, and despite having three stop signs on our road, the people drive very quickly. I would not feel safe leaving my kids to fend for themselves outside.

Exercise aside, are families really incapable of feeding themselves with wholesome foods? I am able to make quick home cooked meals with meat/fish vegetables and a side, regularly. I do not have to resort to boxed food either. Is it really as complicated as all these experts are making it seem? Have we become a society that does not understand moderation? I see this as the root of the problem.

As long as you eat a balanced diet and do not over indulge in the junk food, you should be fine. Food is one of those things that brings enjoyment to life. Many happy memories are associated and centred around meals. We can still enjoy a healthy life and eat dessert. Just don't have two helpings of the dessert (or dinner, for that matter).

Unless you are celiac or lactose intolerant, you can eat wheat and dairy products. Yes, you should cut down on sugar, salt and fat, but that does not mean completely eliminating them from your diet. Go for quality, not quantity. Avoid boxed food. Learn to cook, and teach your children too. Buy fresh food. If possible, grow some of your own food in the summer. Buy food that is in season. Use your head, and still enjoy eating. Moderation and some exercise and we would all be in better shape.

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Everything Old is New Again

Or, are there just a tonne of timeless things? My children are Sonic the Hedgehog fans currently. As an incentive to sleep in his room, my son picked a Sonic race car as his prize.

He earned it today.

Hotwheels have been around for decades, as have Barbies, Strawberry Shortcake, Cabbage Patch Kids, Lego, Play Mobil and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. These are toys my kids play with. These are toys my husband and I played with. If my parents had not gotten rid of a bunch of stuff when they moved from Manitoba to Ontario in the late 90s, we would have had a lot more toys for our kids to play with.

Best of all, we just bought one of those punching balloons for the kids. My husband is hoping they will use it to vent their frustrations instead of hitting each other. I think, growing up, we had one that looked like a clown. The new one is obviously from this era. The kids like it, but it might cause more issues than solve the hitting problem. Already, they started fighting over it, and hitting each other with the rebound.

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Morning Chaos

This is what happened this morning. It is by no means an unusual morning. In fact, this is quite typical for a weekday morning. We wake my daughter up a little after 6:40 am. I open her curtains to let in daylight. Surprisingly, I do not have to argue with her to get out of bed this morning. She must have slept well, or fallen asleep earlier because she did not try to stay asleep. I still have to carry her to the kitchen table.

Once at the table, she wants french toast for breakfast. Sometimes, we might have the time to do this. Sometimes, there is leftover french toast in the fridge. Today was not one of those days. I offer her a waffle instead. She actually agrees! The waffle is frozen, so it takes a few minutes to thaw. She says she does not want it too hot, which cuts down on our prep time. My son wakes up, and says he wants a frozen waffle. Great! I do not even have to pop his in the toaster.

My daughter scrutinizes the pieces of waffle and decides there are things in there she does not like. She proceeds to remove bits of cut up apple from the waffle. This prolongs the act of eating her breakfast. My son has to go pee, and therefore has to remove his plate from the table so the cat won't eat his food. We try to explain the cat won't jump on the table if others are still eating. His goes back and forth from the bathroom to the kitchen several times before he finally pees, and comes back to finish breakfast.

My daughter says she is still hungry after her waffle, but refuses offers of fruit or yoghurt. She does not have enough time to eat anything else. I tell her to get ready for school, and we will see if she can have something after she is ready. We have pictures of the steps she needs to follow, but I still have to remind her to pee, wash her hands and get dressed. By the time she has chosen her clothes, we are running out of time.

My son decides he needs to poop at the same time she is on the toilet. There is a bit of a scuffle in the bathroom, but the dispute is quickly settled. Once he is done, however, he will not wipe his own bum. We are out of flushable wipes. He wants me to wipe his bum, but first I have to put toilet paper in the flushable wipes container. I tell him I do not have the time because I have to get his sister ready for school. He does not let me wipe him, so I leave him on the toilet. He gets off the toilet with his pants around his ankles. He is still carrying the wipes container when he comes into my daughter's room. He ends up siting on my daughter's floor with his poopy bum.

I look at the clock and realize I have to brush my daughter's hair pronto. She starts crying because there is no time for her to have more breakfast. My son is crying because I have put him in a Time Out in his room after wiping his bum, and the floor. He says he wants out to brush his teeth. Then he says he wants to finish his breakfast. I let him out as I am telling my daughter to get ready to leave because the bus is literally waiting down the road.

My son wanders around the kitchen, but then decides he wants to come outside with us. I have no time to dress him. I am helping my daughter get dressed, and I can see the bus driver inching down the road, getting ready to leave without us. I put my daughter's bag on her back, I pick up my son (without his boots or jacket because he refuses to wait inside the house alone), and I scoot everyone out the door. I run to the end of the driveway with my son in my arms. I kiss my daughter good bye and put her on the bus. I head back to the house. By the way, it is pouring rain. My son is getting wet, but at least he is with me.

This is every morning, or some variation on the theme. All through this, I am trying to remain calm. I am trying to not yell at my children when they do not respond after five requests to do or not do something. Usually, it is the poop on the floor, or feeding breakfast to the cat, or refusing to get dressed that will tip me over the edge.

I have tried putting them to bed earlier. We already start the bedtime routine before 7pm. I have tried waking them up earlier. I have tried ignoring the whining. Most mornings are very stressful, hectic, and downright chaotic. We are often just getting out the door as the bus is driving past our home. It would be nice to have a later bus time, but I have to deal with similar issues when I drive the kids to school at a later time. More time is not the solution. My children are stubborn and if they do not want to something it becomes a battle of wills. It is even worse on mornings I am working.

I have a reward system, but I obviously have not found what motivates them because it can often take two to three weeks for them to earn their reward. I also take away privileges, but I find this too is not effective. The idea is to get an immediate response. If I have taken something away from them and the bad behaviour continues I am no further along. We are still running late and I am still frustrated.

I am trying to work on being calm and zen. I have attended parenting courses. I have sought advice from parent resource workers. Every day is a struggle. I love my children. I love being a parent, but sometimes it can be stressful, and disheartening. I hear myself getting angry with my children, and I fear they are going to hate me.

I suppose this is parenting. There are people out there with children who are not as willful as mine. Lucky them! I am hoping this stubbornness with pay off later in life, or in other aspects of their social interactions. Either that, or my children will become societal pariahs. This stage shall pass, and we will move on to yet another annoying stage. Such this is life. Yay! It's the weekend!

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Night Terrors, but No Bed Wetting

My son wakes himself up when he needs to pee in the middle of the night. Sometimes, it is quite seemless. If the pot is in his room, he will find it, pee in it, and call for us to empty it. If there is no pot, he might call for us to open the door. I still cannot believe he has not figured out the door knob guard, but he is essentially locked in his room when the door is shut. It is nice to not have to worry about bed wetting. However, other times are not as pleasant.

Occasionally my son will wake himself up crying. Then, he will get into such a state, we are unable to calm him down. If the wrong parent tries to intervene, the screaming escalates. He will often hit the door, furniture and people. He will scream unintelligible things. He will also need to pee, but will not be able to vocalize his need.

When he reaches this hysterical state, he will yell out contradictory things. He will want one parent, not the other. When the parent he wants arrives, he will shut the door in their face. He will want to pee in the pot, but it has to be in the bathroom. No one can be in the bathroom with him, but if you walk away from him, he will get more upset and start screaming again. If you ask what he wants, he will scream, "Rien!", but he obviously wants something or he would not be this upset.

I am amazed my daughter does not wake up during these tirades. I cannot sleep through them. Granted, a lot of the anger is directed at my husband and me. It is hard to sleep when a three year old is screaming in your ear, and hitting you. It took 15 minutes to calm him down last night. 15 minutes in the middle of the night, interrupting my sleep, and disrupting my rest.

I was hoping sleep would return once my children were older. My daughter is generally a good sleeper. She might come into our room on weekend mornings, but she usually stays in her bed all night. My son routinely climbs into bed with us in the middle of the night. I am trying to encourage him to at least stay in his room. He is sleeping on his crib mattress on the floor. He does not like his bunk bed, yet. I will work on that once we get him to stay in his room.

Even before we changed his bed, he would come to our room in the middle of the night. Sometimes, he would not even start the night in his room. I tried to get to the bottom of his issues. When I asked why he did not like his room, the first answer was, "Parce que." Then, he started saying he was scared. He said he was scared of ghosts, skeletons, and T-Rex. I tried to out logic him, and explain these things do not exist. Even if they did, our room would be no safer.

In the end, I used bribery. We are trying to get enough stars to receive a Pokémon figurine. Last night, he ended up in our bed, and did not seem to care he lost a chance at a star. He is in his bed tonight. I have left his door open, as yesterday, closing it seemed to be part of the reason he was so furious with us. Hopefully he will stay in his room all night.

I do love the cuddle, but I never have a restful night with him in bed with us. I know eventually he will out grow this stage, and I will look back on this time with nostalgia. But, we move on, and my kids need to sleep in their own beds. When Dad is away, then they can cuddle in bed with me.

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Francophone or not?

I learned how to speak French when I was 8 years old. My father did a post doc at the university in Poitiers, France for a year. He brought the family along. I was in grade 4 and my brother was in grade 1. I have no idea how quickly I learned to speak French. I remember, in the fall, not realizing I needed to memorize a poem. My teacher had to look up in a French English dictionary how to say, "By heart." However, at some point, it became more common place for my brother and I to communicate with each other in French than in English. We were bilingual by the end of the school year.

I eventually lost my ability to speak French fluently and with ease. By the time I was in university, my grammar was suffering, my accent had anglicized, and I was not able to follow conversations as easily. My brother completely lost his French, and never regained it. He had a traumatic experience upon our return to Canada and was punished in his grade 2 class for speaking French. In our school, core French started in grade 3. Unfortunately, we did not have access to a French immersion program.

I was still able to secure jobs requiring bilingualism even though my French was not up to par. Like with everything, I got better with practice, and a lot of things came back to me. Phrases would sound right or wrong to me, so somewhere in my brain I had the residual memories of being a Francophone. Learning how to speak Spanish actually improved my French a little, but it also confused me. I learned Spanish in Uruguay, and the following summer went to France for a holiday. I kept inserting spanish words into my french conversations. Quite frustrating.

What truly improved my ability to speak the language was making the decision to speak to my children only in French. Because I wanted them to have proper grammar, I would have to remember or look up the correct way to say things. We usually read to our children in French and the majority of the television and movies they watch have french language tracks. I also learn new vocabulary from my kids, especially my daughter who is in Senior Kindergarten.

I know I still make silly mistakes, and I mix up the articles (le, la, un, une) sometimes. My accent is a cross between France and Sudbury. It depends on who you ask. I like to think it is not as anglicized as it used to be. I hear some of the locals speak, and it sounds so much like they are speaking English. I prefer my accent to that.

I do have some issues understanding locals if they talk too quickly or use slang. I learned my French in France and I still have some residual vocabulary from that experience. I have adapted, and I try to use local expressions. You have to go with the flow. My Spanish changed when I lived in Mexico for a year. I started off with a lovely Castellano accent, but it eventually started sounding more like the Mexicans.

Still, I am sometimes hesitant to say I speak French or label myself as a Francophone. The word means someone who speaks French. That is me. However, I am not part of the Francophone culture. I am not sure if it would have mattered if we had grown up in an environment where we could have been able to speak French more often. My mom is from Trinidad and my dad is German (but he grew up in Canada). We probably would have still created the same family culture we ended up with.

My children are experiencing a franco-Ontarian upbringing. Their cultural experiences will be quite different from my own and different from their father's as well. We are not religious, so that aspect of the francophone community will not be a part of their lives. Just recently, I was thinking how both of my children were born in Sudbury. They are from here. They were born in a different place from me, as I was born in a different place from my parents. It will be interesting to see if they settle here, or move away and continue the trend.

 

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Trying to Parent When You Are Feeling Ill

I caught something this week. Around Wednesday afternoon, I started to feel achey and cold. There has been something going around our family since Easter. Well, at least the kids and I have been dealing with something. I had a chest cough with nasty junk coming up. My daughter seemed to have the same cough. My son woke up Tuesday morning with a snotty nose. Something is making us sick.

No, I did not get the flu shot this year. I thought we were in the clear. We had managed to survive the winter with only my son having a fever inducing virus. He was sick for a couple of days, and recovered quickly. My daughter was also sick around the same time, but never had a fever. She did not miss any school, much to her displeasure. I was expecting to keep her home at least one day, but it was not necessary.

I know there is a stomach virus going around right now. Neither of my children have been overtly exhibiting stomach flu symptoms. However, part of my not feeling well has been an upset stomach. I am feeling nauseous, and have lost my appetite. In the mornings I feel better, but by the afternoon I am hit by a wave of exhaustion, and the aches come back. I missed my dance class this week because I felt so unwell.

Being an engaging and active parent is difficult at the best of times. I am feeling like the worst parent in the world right now. My patience is at its end. I am trying not to get frustrated with my children, but it is much more difficult with a headache and an upset stomach. My children are probably not feeling well during those times when they get upset easily or do not listen well. I need to remember how I am feeling right now, and use that to temper my reactions to them when they act out of turn.

This week, there has been a lot of TV parenting, or letting the kids fend for themselves. When the kids are alone, they usually do not get into much trouble, but when they are both in the house it is a matter of minutes before one has made the other cry. The TV usually works to keep them quiet, but eventually they start bugging each other on the couch. Despite wanting to watch TV often, I think they get bored of it quickly. They might not even realized they are bored.

I played with my son yesterday. We missed going to either of the playgroups available. He was in a rotten mood yesterday morning. It was the kind of mood where he refused to choose his clothes, wanted me to choose, but rejected my choices. Then, he wanted me to dress him, but would not let me dress him. When I asked him what he wanted, he would yell, "Rien!", but when I decided to do nothing he got angry and said he wanted to go to playgroup.

In the end, we were too late to go, so I left him in his room. He was upset because he missed out on playgroup, but after he calmed down, we played with his trains. We also made a superhero from a wooden clothespin, and a "super" rabbit from pipe cleaners and a styrofoam ball. I decided to buy craft supplies this week, to have them readily available for times when I needed to occupy my children. Unfortunately, my son wants to open up all the stuff right now, but at least he is showing an interest.

I feel guilty when I let the kids watch TV for too long, but when I am feeling physically and emotionally drained I often do not have much of a choice. I do not want to feel this frustration I feel with them. When I am unwell, many things irritate me very quickly. I am often a slave to my hormones as well. If I am PMSing, watch out. I know it should not be an excuse, but hunger, fatigue, emotions, and hormones all play a role in how we interact with each other. We usually catch ourselves before we do or say something drastic, but sometimes we don't. I spend a lot of time apologizing for snapping at my children and husband.

Right now, I am trying to get my son to take his nap beside me while I type. Yesterday, he fell asleep at 4:45pm, watching me play Angry Birds on my iPad. I am trying to avoid him falling asleep around 4:30 or 5pm because then he either wakes an hour later, frustrated, hungry and unwilling to go to sleep at his normal time or he stays asleep, and wakes at 3am, having slept long enough. At least, I am getting a bit of a rest. I plan on a nap after, to heal up. I know my son had some down time this afternoon, in bed with me. I need a little time to myself too.

I found this website for a product called Kiwi Crate. I think the premise is silly since most of the materials you get in the crate you could buy at the dollar store for much less. But, they do have some great crafting ideas. I am sure Pinterest also has many of these ideas. The superhero doll came from here. I might try the wooden button animals too.

Sometimes, I am a really great parent :).

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Unexplained Infertility, Part of the Reason I Am an Older Mom.

If someone has children the same age as mine, I assume they are younger than me. Especially here in Sudbury. I know reports say women are having children later in life, but I am an older parent in Sudbury. I did not meet my husband until I was 27. A lot of women at my playgroups started having kids younger than that. I was not ready to have children in my 20s, but I was also single most of my 20s. I am usually six to ten years older than the other parents.

My husband is three years younger than me. I was ready to have children before he was. I finally convinced him to start trying when I turned 31. We got pregnant after a few months of actively trying. I was using the temperature method to pinpoint my ovulation. I would track my cycles online. A few of my friends were also trying and getting pregnant around the same time. Unfortunately, I had an early miscarriage, and then my body stopped working the way it should.

There are no fertility clinics north of Barrie, in Ontario. I think Sudbury could support a clinic, and provide services for women in the North, especially those who have to travel to southern Ontario or the States for treatment. Maybe someone as already deemed it not cost effective. Whatever the case, having fertility issues in northern or rural Canada is difficult. My problems started when we were living in Chapleau, and I was referred to a doctor in Timmins who told me I had no ovarian pathology. I just had not had a period for four months, so, normal, right? Since I was moving back to Sudbury, I managed to get referred to a local gynecologist.

In Sudbury, the new doctor gave me a prescription for Clomid, and made me take a larger dose to jump start my cycle again. I used to have very painful periods, but after a four month hiatus, this was one of the worst. Clomid did not work for me. In fact, it made my cycles longer, and unpredictable. Later, he prescribed Metformin, but without officially diagnosing me with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I eventually stopped taking the Metformin as it had no impact on our ability to conceive. The doctor decided to perform a hystro-salpingogram to determine whether or not I had blocked tubes. He said my left tube was blocked, although, during the procedure he said it was the right. The next step was to find a clinic down south, and also have a laparoscopy to actually see what was up with my tubes and uterus.

At the time, I was still seeing my family doctor in Oakville, and she got me a referral to a clinic in Mississauga called the Isis Regional Fertility Centre. She seemed to think it would be months before they would be able to see me, but we had an appointment within the month. I saw Dr. Henry Cheng who explained various procedures. All of them required me to be nearby, which was not too much of an issue since my parents live in Oakville. The procedures were also dependent on my cycle, which was an issue because, at the time, my cycle coincided with a trip to Grenada and our wedding during the summer months.

My laparoscopy, performed in Barrie, showed no tubal blockage, and my ovaries looked fine (no PCOS). They did notice some evidence of endometriosis, and cauterized some tissue, but otherwise, there was nothing to explain why I was not getting pregnant. I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility. The doctors had no idea why I could not conceive, and I should just persevere. Just relax, it will happen. The words we all hate to hear when we are unsuccessful at starting a family.

I became more and more neurotic as the fall progressed. Every month I would be let down yet again. My husband was having trouble dealing with my moods, and suggested I should go see a counsellor. I decided we needed to go back to the Isis clinic. Letting things happen on their own was not working. We needed to be proactive. My husband took a day off work, and we drove to my parents for a "long" weekend.

We decided to go with injectable FSH, to stimulate egg production. Then, we would try IUI (intrauterine insemination). If that had not worked, we would have explored other options. We drove back to Sudbury on the Sunday, and my period started that very day. I took the bus back to my parents on Monday, and started my week of ultrasounds, blood tests, and subcutaneous FSH injections. These needles were easy to inject into my thigh. I could barely feel them. The ultrasounds were to see how the eggs were developing.

At the end of two weeks, my husband needed to drive down so we could meet together with the doctors and discuss the possibility of multiples. I remember him saying on the phone he was fine with twins. I had a few more than two eggs ready to go. We were informed there were 18 ovules mature enough to be released. The doctor said there was a possibility of conceiving multiples, but there was also the chance only one fertilized egg would implant. We had to decide whether or not to proceed or scrap the month and start over with a lower dose of FSH.

We went ahead. I was required to inject myself with hCG to cause ovulation. This needle was a much larger gauge, and I had to inject it in my stomach. It took a few false starts, but I was able to do it on my own. Because I released so many eggs at once, there was so much fluid interference, and they were unable to confirm ovulation with the ultrasound. We assumed it worked, and almost two years after my miscarriage, and two weeks before my 34th birthday, we conceived my daughter, and only my daughter. No wife and hubby plus 18!

The release of so many ovules by hCG caused a minor complication. I experienced Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. By the time I was ready to take my pregnancy test two weeks later, my belly was bloated, and my mom told me I looked five months pregnant. The only pants I could wear were yoga pants. After a quick visit to the fertility clinic I was told to drink a litre of Gatorade each day, and monitor my urine output. I was back to normal within the week.

I had some spotting around six weeks, and was worried because this was the time period I had the last miscarriage. We spent an evening in emergency, but the ultrasound revealed a tiny fetus with a beating heart. Only one. I often wonder if the spotting was due to other failed attachments, but we will never know. Otherwise, my pregnacy was uncomplicated, and my daughter was born at the end of August, one week early.

Fortunately for us, we did not need help to conceive our son, and he was born nine days short of two years after my daughter. We were lucky to have had it so easy, and relatively inexpensive. Many of my friends had several IVF treatments, costing thousands of dollars. We only had to pay for sperm washing (to get the fastest swimmers). Everything else was covered, even the drugs because we only needed one month's worth.

Next time you see a couple without children, it could be very likely they are trying everything possible to conceive, but there is something wrong. Sometimes the issue happens after there is already one child. Try to be sensitive when asking peiple about their family sizes or choices to start a family. And above all, do not tell them to relax and let nature take its course. Let them be the ones to approach the topic first. I have no problem talking about or troubles now, but I was a basketcase when all I wanted was to be a mom.

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Sunday Cooking Fest. Ravioli, Pear Loaf and Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

I have been craving ravioli for days now. The thing is, ravioli is not one of those foods you can just whip up easily and have it be good. I am not talking the Chef Boyardee version of ravioli. That stuff is disgusting. In fact, it could be the reason why craving ravioli might make people look at you weirdly. Really, you are craving ravioli? Soggy pasta filled with a meat-like substance? Even the "fresh" varieties sold by Olivieri do not do justice to what I think of as ravioli.

Ravioli is one of the few meals I would pay good money for in a restaurant. When it is done correctly, it can be the best comfort food. There are so many different fillings you can put in ravioli. It is just awesome. So, when you have a craving for ravioli, there are only two ways to satisfy it. One, you go to a great Italian restaurant, or, two, you make your own.

Thank goodness for wonton wrappers. I have made my own pasta dough, but when there is a package of wonton wrappers waiting to be used, it is so much easier. My filling of choice today was goat's cheese with sun dried tomatoes. I also have a wonderful butternut squash filling with a sage and brown butter sauce from Food and Drink magazine, but I was not in the mood for squash.

When we lived in Manitoba, we used to go to a restaurant called Bombolini. It is on Broadway, underneath Amici. They used to make the best goat's cheese ravioli. Then, they took it off the menu and only served it occasionally as a special. I remember being fortunate enough to be there one of those "special" days. I loved that dish. I have been craving something similar to it ever since I started craving ravioli this week.

The goat's cheese filling was simple enough. I mixed some soft goat's cheese with a dollop of sour cream (I did not have mascarpone cheese). I added a teaspoon of pesto because I did not have fresh herbs, and a bit a grated parmesan. I chopped up some sun dried tomatoes and mixed those into the cheese. I put a scant teaspoon of the filling in the middle of each wrapper, and sealed them into triangles with a bit of water.

The hardest part about sealing the ravioli is getting the air out. There is always the chance the wrappers are going to open up while you are boiling them. You need to make sure they are fairly well sealed. I will probably serve the ravioli with tomato sauce and salad.

Also, today, I made a Pear Spice Loaf. The recipe is from Boites à Lunch Santé, by Geneviève O'Gleaman. It is pretty simple. Mix a cup of whole wheat flour with 1/4 cup of ground fax seeds, 1 tbsp baking powder, 1 tsp ground cinnamon, 1 tsp ground ginger, 1/2 tsp nutmeg, 1/4 tsp ground clove and 1/4 tsp allspice. For the wet ingredients, beat together two eggs and 1/4 cup brown sugar. Mix in 1/2 cup of milk,1/2 cup skim milk powder and 1/4 cup vegetable oil. Add two ripe pears, chopped. Combine the wet and dry ingredients. Mix with a fork until all the dry ingredients are combined. Bake at 350F for 30 minutes, and a toothpick inserted comes out clean. My son ate two slices for breakfast, so I assume it is at least edible.

Later today, I will be making mini chocolate chip banana muffins for my daughter's lunches. This recipe is also from Boites à Lunch Santé. We have lots of ripe bananas which I totally forgot about until after I made the pear loaf.

It's funny because my daughter was at a sleepover last night and the mom made banana chocolate chip muffins for breakfast. My daughter said she could not eat dessert for breakfast, and the mom said it was not really dessert. Then, my daughter said she could not eat chocolate. We sometimes have waffles and pancakes with chocolate chips as a treat for breakfast, so I am not sure where these "rules" came from. Interesting the things your kids come up with when staying as a guest somewhere else.

A few hours later...

Cooked ravioli, and baked muffins.

The ravioli was really good. Yum!

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Trying to Keep the Kids Busy

The other day, on Easter Monday, we were home with the kids. It was not a nice day outside. It was cold, snowy, and blustery. It was certainly not conducive to outdoor play. As it was a holiday for most government services, things like the rec centre and the arena were closed. The agencies that put on playgroups were also on holiday. We were at home all day with the kids. I was not feeling the greatest either, having started some kind of cold/throat infection.

I did some crafts with the kids in the morning after breakfast. However, it did not take them very long to decorate the eggs we dyed on Sunday. It also did not take them very long to make their window cling decorations. Both crafts needed to dry, and my kids are not super crafty anyway. They managed to find ways to entertain themselves with their toys in the living room without too much disruption, for a bit.

3D Wonder Paint for window clings.

We had thought about going to the movies, but there are not a lot of kid friendly movies out there right now. The Croods is in 3D making it super expensive. We already saw Wreck it Ralph which was playing at the cheaper theatre. My husband decided there was not much difference between them staying at home and watching a DVD, or going out. He should have put on a DVD.

After lunch, I needed a rest. Whatever bug I contracted was draining me. I figured I had done my best to find things to with the kids, it was time for them to have some independent play. They are old enough to come up with imaginative games with their toys, and they usually play well enough together with minimal destruction. Boy was I wrong.

They have gotten into the habit of playing in each other's rooms. Usually they play fairly well. There is not much they can wreck in my daughter's room. Sometimes they take out all her stuffed toys and dolls, or all her tiny Play Mobil stuff, but generally it is just a mess. In my son's room, we have a pseudo loft bed going on. We brought back the large Rubbermaid bin for his toys. He also has an armoire and a chest of drawers (formerly his change table).

When we first got the armoire, the kids used to hide in the bottom drawer as it was large enough. They have not done this in a while. They also like to take the toys out of the Rubbermaid and hide inside that container. This time, they found a new game. Playing "hide and seek" in the chest of drawers. It really wasn't hide and seek because they were both "hiding" at the same time.

My daughter, who is five and a half, claimed it was her three and a half year old brother's idea. All I know is I heard the kids chattering, and then I heard a bang. I thought they were in the Rubbermaid again, and maybe one fell off when the other opened the lid. I sent my husband in to investigate, and I hear his big, angry voice telling the kids to get out of the room. My daughter is busy protesting that it was her brother who was hiding on top.

By the time I went to investigate, the chest of drawers was righted, but the drawers were on the ground. My daughter had gotten in the bottom drawer, and my son was in the top drawer. Their weight caused both drawers to lose their rollers, and because the drawers were open, with the kids inside (along with all my son's clothes), the dresser tipped over. They were lucky to not have been crushed.

I need playgroups and activities for my children to keep me sane. I love my kids, and I love doing stuff with them, but I am not one of those parents how is capable of creating a home environment where my children will not be bored. Eventually, if we are home for an extended period, the television will be turned on, or video games will be played.

I am a much better parent outside of the home. I will be more engaged playing with my children at playgroup than I am at home. I usually let them fend for themselves at home. I let my guard down. They are now older, and able to play on their own with minimal issue. At playgroup, I will help build things or play with the toys with them. I am not sure if it because you want other people to have a better impression of you, or if it is because it is a different environment. When we go out if the house to museums, science centres and playgroups it is easier to be more engaged with my children.

Oh Baby Magazine had a link to 25 Things to do on a Rainy Day from the blog called amotherworld. I thought, "Here's the solution to my problem!", only to see things like watching TV, playing video games, and cleaning rooms on the list. I am pretty sure my kids would have exhausted half of the list by lunch before I finally gave up, and put in a DVD!

Spring needs to come, right now.

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Egg Decorating

Years ago, a family friend invited my brother and I to her home for Ukrainian egg decorating. We had beeswax and the kistka (stylus) to draw the wax designs onto the egg. It was a lot of fun, and we kept our eggs for years. We did not blow out our eggs, but left them raw. My mom had stored them safely in a basket, and we would take them out again each year.

I do not remember how many eggs we decorated, and they must have broken throughout the years. When the eggs did break, there was not much of a mess, and they did not smell as the insides had long since dried up. Raw eggs last longer than hard boiled eggs, especially out of the fridge. If you decorate hard boiled eggs, they need to be refrigerated, and either eaten or thrown out within a couple of days. Make sure you use food safe dyes if you are planning on eating them.

I tried to find out information on leaving eggs raw while decorating them, but every site says to blow them out. Martha Stewart said to blow out the insides after decorating, but I cannot see spending all the time decorating your eggs only to have them crack and crumble when you try to get holes big enough to blow out the contents. I guess for safety reasons, no one can promote leaving the egg raw. We never had issues. I wasted more eggs trying to blow them out.

I bought a cheap Paas decorating kit at our grocery store the week before Easter. It was on sale for a buck. I did not want to hardboil a bunch of eggs. I wanted to keep the decorated eggs for a few days. I tried to blow out the eggs Friday morning, but gave up after two failed attempts. Even with tape to prevent large cracks in the shell, my eggs were not cooperating. I gave up, and we used the eggs to make breakfast (French Toast).

A couple days later, I came across Mexican Confetti eggs. The tops of the raw eggs are broken off. The shells are decorated, and then filled with confetti and sealed with tissue paper matching the colour of the eggs. I figured this would be an easier way to clean out my eggs, and if we chose to make them into confetti eggs we could do so. I really do not feel like cleaning up confetti from all over my house! Although, I am sure the kids would love it.

I covered the dining room table with newspaper and we decorated four egg shells. I actually had to use six eggs to get four usable shells. Cracking just the top of a raw egg is a lot harder than it looks. We used vinegar with the red and orange tablets, and lemon juice with the blue and green tablets. I could not say that the vinegar made significantly more vibrant colours than the lemon juice. We used the vinegar with the brighter colours, so it was not a fair comparison.

I was trying so hard to not make a mess. Then, I got my hair in the green dye, and dripped it on my hardwood floor, dining room chair and daughter. Luckily I wiped it up quickly enough to prevent staining. How did I get my hair in the dye? I was trying to hear if the green tablet had dissolved, and stopped fizzing. Yes, next time I will tie up my hair, or not listen as closely.

We let the eggs dry while we were at the grandparents for Easter dinner. The following day, I helped the kids decorate the eggs with sparkles and sequins. They turned out well. I was thinking if I could find some biodegradable confetti, these would be fun things to use at a birthday party, or something. Maybe I should see if there are still egg decorating kits at the store.

All this crafting (making window clings as well) still did not keep my kids out of trouble. They decided my son's chest of drawers would make a great hiding place. They broke two drawers, and are lucky no one was crushed when the whole thing fell over. This was proceeded by my son writing on my daughter's door with pen. Is the only solution to ink removal repainting? I am ready for nicer weather so my kids can destroy things outside of the house.

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