It is that time of year in our community where several things are happening all at once. Swimming and other programs offered at our local recreation centre are winding down. Activities at gymnastics clubs, dance schools and other things the kids were involved in throughout the school year are in their final weeks. But, soccer has just started, and, it seems, will take over our lives for the next couple of months.
I was in many activities when I was younger. I grew up in a small town in Manitoba, but we were exposed to a variety of sports and hobbies. I tried ballet, figure skating, Brownies and Jack Rabbits (a cross country skiing club). Figure skating and Brownies ended when I went to France in Grade 4. The other two did not stick at all. I persisted with annual swimming and tennis lessons, held in the spring and summer. Gymnastics and piano lessons lasted until I graduated high school. I also participated in a community band.
When you become a parent yourself, you realize all the time your parents sacrificed to broaden your horizons. My parents were fortunate to live in a fairly small town. The furthest activity from our home was swimming and tennis, a five minute drive, if that. When we were older, we walked or biked to our things. It was safe, and our town had no busy highways going through the middle, unlike where we live now. I am not sure how many things my parents did for themselves in town, but when we were older, they would go to Winnipeg for plays and concerts.
When I grew up, activites were seasonal. Skating in the winter, tennis in the spring and early summer, swimming in the summer when it was hot, and the other activities during the school year. We just did one level a year. Sessions were probably longer than 8 weeks, but they did not seem to overlap as much as my children's activities. We got badges when we completed a level. You got badges even if you were not in the competitive stream. Most of us were not that good.
Here, swimming happens during the school year. Most programs are not offered during the summer, and the pool is closed for July, for maintenance. Soccer has a crazy schedule, and as I learned last year, is extremely intense in my community. After speaking with my friends from southern Ontario, they joked we were trying to create Olympic caliber soccer players up here.
Last year, I was frustrated we had soccer twice a week. My friend said it slows down to once a week after school is finished. Still, the season goes until the week after the August long weekend. We missed the tournament at the end because we usually head to my parents in August. This year, we have soccer twice a week for the whole season. Again, we will be missing the tournament at the end. This year, it might matter though, because the teams are much smaller.
My daughter says she enjoys soccer, but she does not contribute much to her team. She is certainly better than she was last year (picking clover and holding hands with older, better players), but she still just runs after the pack of girls, and occasionally kicks at the ball. Don't get me wrong. If she wants to play soccer, all the power to her. I just do not want other parents to be put out if we do not show up for the last two weeks. Last year, we attended every game, until we left town. There were other players with much spottier attendance.
Right now, I am waiting for the summer when all we will have is the kids' and my husband's soccer to deal with. We still have swimming, gymnastics, and Kindermusik for the kids, as well as my husband's karate and my belly/gypsy dance classes. Only Fridays are "free". Activity overload, definitely.
Friday, May 31, 2013
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Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Making Arepas
I have a friend whose parents are East Indian. She married a Columbian. She has learned to cook a few Columbian dishes from her inlaws. She came to visit us a couple of weekends ago, and was going to make arepas for us one night. Unfortunately, the visit was so jammed pack with a wedding and sight seeing that she did not get the chance. Therefore, I took it upon myself to make them a few days after her visit.
We had gone to a Latin American grocery store in Oakville, specializing in products from South and Central America. We went looking for the Mexican hot sauce we used to put on chips or Doritos when we all lived in Monterrey. My friend pointed out various Columbian products, and I bought a package of white corn flour, along with the hot sauce. My mother's family is from Trinidad, and we have a few recipes that use corn flour as well.
My friend makes cheese filled arepas for her husband. We had bought mozzarella cheese to put inside. I think I might try a stronger cheese next time. The texture of the arepas was what I expected, and the cheese was nice and gooey. However, store bought mozzarella really has no flavour. Essentially, these were an excuse to eat the salsa verde we bought.
Arepas are super simple to make. I fried them in some butter on the stove. It would be very easy to substitute the cheese for any number of fillings. In my head, I was thinking how this could be an easy version of a tamale or pastelle (Trindadian version of a tamale). Instead of steaming them in corn husks or banana leaves, just stuff them and fry them up.
This is the corn flour I used. The instructions on the package are easy to follow. The water gets absorbed very quickly, but you need to add enough to make a dough. Just stop short of the dough becoming sticky. For about 2 1/2 cups of flour I added a little less than 2 cups of water. Then, I kneaded the dough until it came together without crumbling.
I added a bit of shredded cheddar cheese into the dough, hence the orange flecks. I was following a recipe I found online specifically for cheese arepas. This was enough to make 8 balls of dough, about the size of a squash ball.
I rolled out each ball into a flat disk. I put some mozzarella slices on top of one disk, and topped it with a second. I made sure the edges were sealed.
After melting some butter in a skillet, I fried up each arepa until it was browned on each side. It took about four minutes a side.
My arepas ended up golden brown, but you could cook them a liitle longer.
The result was a gooey cheese filled arepa. My son liked it. My daughter refused to try it. My parents thought it was bland, but my mom said it was similar to something her mother made in Trinidad. It was yummy with the salsa verde. Next time, maybe some fresh goat's cheese.
We had gone to a Latin American grocery store in Oakville, specializing in products from South and Central America. We went looking for the Mexican hot sauce we used to put on chips or Doritos when we all lived in Monterrey. My friend pointed out various Columbian products, and I bought a package of white corn flour, along with the hot sauce. My mother's family is from Trinidad, and we have a few recipes that use corn flour as well.
My friend makes cheese filled arepas for her husband. We had bought mozzarella cheese to put inside. I think I might try a stronger cheese next time. The texture of the arepas was what I expected, and the cheese was nice and gooey. However, store bought mozzarella really has no flavour. Essentially, these were an excuse to eat the salsa verde we bought.
Arepas are super simple to make. I fried them in some butter on the stove. It would be very easy to substitute the cheese for any number of fillings. In my head, I was thinking how this could be an easy version of a tamale or pastelle (Trindadian version of a tamale). Instead of steaming them in corn husks or banana leaves, just stuff them and fry them up.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
24 Dollars Worth of Morality
I went to the CN Tower this weekend with my two children, and some out of town friends. It is expensive, but you also get to see a movie and an adventure motion ride, if you wish. The child pricing starts at 4 years old. My son was free, but not my daughter. She cost me $24. As it was already late in the afternoon, we did not see the movie or the motion ride. My kids probably were too short for it anyway.
My son is almost the same height as my daughter. That is to say, my daughter is quite petite. I probably could have gotten away with not paying for her as well. I thought about it, but decided against it. We are trying to teach our children not to lie about things, and not to cheat. What if we had been asked how old she was? Would I have been able to flat out lie and say she was three years old? I would not have expected her to lie if she were asked directly.
It is funny how money makes our morality fly put the window. We lie about our kids' ages to get them cheaper admission into events. We give people our discount cards, or season's passes to attractions so they do not have to pay full price. We download pirated movies and music off of the internet. We forgo cable or dish subscriptions because we can watch everything for free online.
We often tell white lies to spare people's feelings. How do we justify our lies when we do it to save money? Do we say the company is already overcharging? They really should have more reasonable fares for younger children, or a higher free age limit. Is it really a bad thing to lie about your age to get in for free? Is it as bad as stealing?
Obviously, I did not feel comfortable lying to save $24. I made the decision to visit the CN Tower knowing it would cost me a bit of money. I probably would not have been questioned about my daughter's age, but I am trying to set a good example for her. Our words should coincide with our actions. Yes, I could have saved some money, but in the end, she got to go to the top of the CN Tower, finally. This might end up being one of her earliest memories, and I would not have wanted it tainted with mommy stumbling over a lie to save a few bucks.
My son is almost the same height as my daughter. That is to say, my daughter is quite petite. I probably could have gotten away with not paying for her as well. I thought about it, but decided against it. We are trying to teach our children not to lie about things, and not to cheat. What if we had been asked how old she was? Would I have been able to flat out lie and say she was three years old? I would not have expected her to lie if she were asked directly.
It is funny how money makes our morality fly put the window. We lie about our kids' ages to get them cheaper admission into events. We give people our discount cards, or season's passes to attractions so they do not have to pay full price. We download pirated movies and music off of the internet. We forgo cable or dish subscriptions because we can watch everything for free online.
We often tell white lies to spare people's feelings. How do we justify our lies when we do it to save money? Do we say the company is already overcharging? They really should have more reasonable fares for younger children, or a higher free age limit. Is it really a bad thing to lie about your age to get in for free? Is it as bad as stealing?
Obviously, I did not feel comfortable lying to save $24. I made the decision to visit the CN Tower knowing it would cost me a bit of money. I probably would not have been questioned about my daughter's age, but I am trying to set a good example for her. Our words should coincide with our actions. Yes, I could have saved some money, but in the end, she got to go to the top of the CN Tower, finally. This might end up being one of her earliest memories, and I would not have wanted it tainted with mommy stumbling over a lie to save a few bucks.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Are You Superstitious?
I had not originally planned on going to playgroup today. Maybe my timeline had already been determined, and by changing my mind, I created an anomaly. This anomaly resulted in an accident. The accident coincided with a similar accident, involving the same people, last year. Of course, the power of suggestion is a strange thing as well.
What is she talking about? Well, last year, I decided to volunteer to help walk with my daughter's class to Dairy Queen, a few minutes from her school. I also had my two year old son with me. At some point, I ended up carrying my son, and holding my daughter's hand. I am not sure if she stepped on my shoe, but somehow I ended up tripping, with my son in my arms.
I managed to turn him away from the fall, however, his head still hit a tiny rock. There was a lot of blood from this little cut, but we managed to clean it up, and he was fine within two minutes. I, on the other hand, was still shaken up. The adrenaline rush left me with a racing heart, vibrating hands, and I was embarrassed by the fall. I did not bring my son along on any other field trips after that.
So, today, I was supposed to spend the morning in town, waiting for my van to get a quick service. I ended up changing it to a longer service appointment, so I decided to have them shuttle us home instead of waiting. We made it home in time to go to a playgroup we had missed the past few weeks. Getting there was not an issue, even though I was rushing to arrive at the school.
On the way home, I saw the current JK class lining up to leave the school. I should not have asked where they were going. As soon as I heard the words Dairy Queen, my thoughts went straight to the fall. It was all I was thinking about. I did not even follow the group of students. I have no connection to anyone in that grade. I was taking my time. I was careful as I was pushing the stroller home. Then, I arrived at a steep area between two parking lots.
I have taken the stroller down this area many times over the years, and never had an issue. Normally, I lift the front wheels of the stroller and let it roll down on the back wheels, keeping my child level, and safe. The front wheels must have caught, and I slipped, falling on my knees. The stroller flipped over, and my son ended up with a mouth full of sand. When I brought him home to clean him up, I noticed his cheek was super red, and his nose was scratched up. No blood this time, though. No one seemed to notice my fall, or they conveniently ignored the clumsy mother who seemed to be dealing with the incident.
I am beginning to think it might not be a good idea to volunteer to walk with my son's class next year when it is his turn to walk to Dairy Queen. The accident most likely occurred because I was distracted by the students coming from around the store. I was constantly thinking of the original fall, and how embarrassed and guilty I felt. Then, it happened again.
Like I said, suggestion is a powerful thing. I essentially willed this accident into being. It does not help that I am a clumsy person by nature, but if I had not seen the JK class, and known they were going to DQ, I probably would not have fallen. Then again, maybe it was what was predetermined to happen today. I fall and walk into things more often than regular people.
What is she talking about? Well, last year, I decided to volunteer to help walk with my daughter's class to Dairy Queen, a few minutes from her school. I also had my two year old son with me. At some point, I ended up carrying my son, and holding my daughter's hand. I am not sure if she stepped on my shoe, but somehow I ended up tripping, with my son in my arms.
I managed to turn him away from the fall, however, his head still hit a tiny rock. There was a lot of blood from this little cut, but we managed to clean it up, and he was fine within two minutes. I, on the other hand, was still shaken up. The adrenaline rush left me with a racing heart, vibrating hands, and I was embarrassed by the fall. I did not bring my son along on any other field trips after that.
So, today, I was supposed to spend the morning in town, waiting for my van to get a quick service. I ended up changing it to a longer service appointment, so I decided to have them shuttle us home instead of waiting. We made it home in time to go to a playgroup we had missed the past few weeks. Getting there was not an issue, even though I was rushing to arrive at the school.
On the way home, I saw the current JK class lining up to leave the school. I should not have asked where they were going. As soon as I heard the words Dairy Queen, my thoughts went straight to the fall. It was all I was thinking about. I did not even follow the group of students. I have no connection to anyone in that grade. I was taking my time. I was careful as I was pushing the stroller home. Then, I arrived at a steep area between two parking lots.
I have taken the stroller down this area many times over the years, and never had an issue. Normally, I lift the front wheels of the stroller and let it roll down on the back wheels, keeping my child level, and safe. The front wheels must have caught, and I slipped, falling on my knees. The stroller flipped over, and my son ended up with a mouth full of sand. When I brought him home to clean him up, I noticed his cheek was super red, and his nose was scratched up. No blood this time, though. No one seemed to notice my fall, or they conveniently ignored the clumsy mother who seemed to be dealing with the incident.
I am beginning to think it might not be a good idea to volunteer to walk with my son's class next year when it is his turn to walk to Dairy Queen. The accident most likely occurred because I was distracted by the students coming from around the store. I was constantly thinking of the original fall, and how embarrassed and guilty I felt. Then, it happened again.
Like I said, suggestion is a powerful thing. I essentially willed this accident into being. It does not help that I am a clumsy person by nature, but if I had not seen the JK class, and known they were going to DQ, I probably would not have fallen. Then again, maybe it was what was predetermined to happen today. I fall and walk into things more often than regular people.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Maybe I Really Am a Bad Person. My Rant Against Shake Diets.
I don't know. Maybe I need to not talk to anyone with whom I have not lived. Maybe I just have that kind of personality that rubs people the wrong way, and they have to live with me, hate me and love me to actually become my friend. Most of my good friends are former roommates. I have had a hard time making close friends since moving to Sudbury. Maybe I am just in the wrong city.
I know I have strong opinions about things, and I also know my opinions might be different from other people around me. However, just because I have a different opinion to you does not mean I look down on you, or think that I am better than you. I am sorry if I come across as arrogant. I really do not mean to. It is just that when I hear people say things, or I see people doing things that I think are...let's say silly (because "stupid" would be a mean way of describing it), I have a very difficult time biting my tongue.
Today, for instance, a woman was describing how she has managed to lose a significant amount of weight. I am glad she has been able to lose weight, and has taken measures to a healthier lifestyle. Her regime includes four shakes a day and one real meal. Her husband is also following this special diet. She commented that they are saving money on groceries because they only buy food for their children and dinner food. The shakes only cost $80 for a three weeks supply.
I am not sure whether this diet was prescribed by her doctor or if this is the only way she has been able to take off the weight. However, from what I have heard, and from what I know, you need to have a lifestyle change to improve your health. Maybe the shakes are a strategy that works for now, but it cannot be a good way to live, nor a long term solution. How is this a good model for your children, to be only eating one meal a day? I hate to say it, but the problem probably started because this person was not able to make wholesome food choices. At some point, this family is going to have to learn how to eat wholesome meals, and how to portion control.
What stunned me, was that other women, of healthy body weights, were asking about these shakes, and commenting on how this would be a good way to cut their grocery bills. Seriously? So, in order to save money, you are going to forgo eating real food and drink vanilla and chocolate shakes for breakfast and lunch. Why don't you just eat at McDonald's every day? You can get a bunch of food for cheap there. All that junk food in the grocery store is a lot cheaper than the fruits and vegetables you should be eating. How enjoyable would your life be, only drinking shakes?
I know I am lucky to have never really dealt with weight issues. I was at my heaviest when I was pregnant with my children. I gained over 40lbs during both my pregnancies, which is considered a lot. I was also able to drop all of the weight, and return to my pre-pregnancy weight within the year. I have always been a relatively active person, especially in the summers.
During university, I would swim regularly and when I moved off campus, I added biking to school as another activity. I am not skinny, but I have a healthy BMI, and I generally do not have to worry about what I eat. I do not forgo dessert if it is offered to me. I might choose not to eat it sometimes, but if I am feeling like eating some cake, or ice cream, I will help myself. I just do not eat large quantities of food. Quality, usually, over quantity.
I love food. I love cooking, and baking, and creating meals people will enjoy eating. I find so many people nowadays are obsessed with food, but in a bad way. Food is often looked at as evil. Food is what made me fat. Food is fuel, and nothing more. Food should not be a part of social gatherings.
Really? Is food that bad? People need to learn how to balance calories in versus calories out. They also need to learn how to cook. They need to learn how to eat real foods again, and to prepare real, tasty, wholesome foods. Food is not the enemy. Yes, there is a lot of unwholesome stuff out there, but you need to learn what is good for you. It is not that difficult. Avoid boxed and packaged food. Buy real food. Buy stuff that grows. Stick to the peripheries of the grocery store and cook your own meals. Teach your children how to cook.
I can't get away with chastising people for going on fad diets or quick fixes because I am not famous like Jamie Oliver. I know a lot of people hate him too when he tried/tries to introduce healthy lifestyle changes. Still, he can get away with it. Go to his website if you don't agree with me. Check out his recipes. Just inform yourself. If you are concerned about your health, you need to work at keeping yourself healthy. Nothing comes easy.
Find something you enjoy doing to keep yourself active. Go for walks with your family. Have bike rides in the evening. Join a Zumba or Bollywood class. Learn what foods are good for you. You should spend money on food. It goes into your body. Movies, clothes and other material possessions, things we seem to have no issue paying for, usually do not affect our health as much.
Jamie Oliver is by far my biggest hero.
I know I have strong opinions about things, and I also know my opinions might be different from other people around me. However, just because I have a different opinion to you does not mean I look down on you, or think that I am better than you. I am sorry if I come across as arrogant. I really do not mean to. It is just that when I hear people say things, or I see people doing things that I think are...let's say silly (because "stupid" would be a mean way of describing it), I have a very difficult time biting my tongue.
Today, for instance, a woman was describing how she has managed to lose a significant amount of weight. I am glad she has been able to lose weight, and has taken measures to a healthier lifestyle. Her regime includes four shakes a day and one real meal. Her husband is also following this special diet. She commented that they are saving money on groceries because they only buy food for their children and dinner food. The shakes only cost $80 for a three weeks supply.
I am not sure whether this diet was prescribed by her doctor or if this is the only way she has been able to take off the weight. However, from what I have heard, and from what I know, you need to have a lifestyle change to improve your health. Maybe the shakes are a strategy that works for now, but it cannot be a good way to live, nor a long term solution. How is this a good model for your children, to be only eating one meal a day? I hate to say it, but the problem probably started because this person was not able to make wholesome food choices. At some point, this family is going to have to learn how to eat wholesome meals, and how to portion control.
What stunned me, was that other women, of healthy body weights, were asking about these shakes, and commenting on how this would be a good way to cut their grocery bills. Seriously? So, in order to save money, you are going to forgo eating real food and drink vanilla and chocolate shakes for breakfast and lunch. Why don't you just eat at McDonald's every day? You can get a bunch of food for cheap there. All that junk food in the grocery store is a lot cheaper than the fruits and vegetables you should be eating. How enjoyable would your life be, only drinking shakes?
I know I am lucky to have never really dealt with weight issues. I was at my heaviest when I was pregnant with my children. I gained over 40lbs during both my pregnancies, which is considered a lot. I was also able to drop all of the weight, and return to my pre-pregnancy weight within the year. I have always been a relatively active person, especially in the summers.
During university, I would swim regularly and when I moved off campus, I added biking to school as another activity. I am not skinny, but I have a healthy BMI, and I generally do not have to worry about what I eat. I do not forgo dessert if it is offered to me. I might choose not to eat it sometimes, but if I am feeling like eating some cake, or ice cream, I will help myself. I just do not eat large quantities of food. Quality, usually, over quantity.
I love food. I love cooking, and baking, and creating meals people will enjoy eating. I find so many people nowadays are obsessed with food, but in a bad way. Food is often looked at as evil. Food is what made me fat. Food is fuel, and nothing more. Food should not be a part of social gatherings.
Really? Is food that bad? People need to learn how to balance calories in versus calories out. They also need to learn how to cook. They need to learn how to eat real foods again, and to prepare real, tasty, wholesome foods. Food is not the enemy. Yes, there is a lot of unwholesome stuff out there, but you need to learn what is good for you. It is not that difficult. Avoid boxed and packaged food. Buy real food. Buy stuff that grows. Stick to the peripheries of the grocery store and cook your own meals. Teach your children how to cook.
I can't get away with chastising people for going on fad diets or quick fixes because I am not famous like Jamie Oliver. I know a lot of people hate him too when he tried/tries to introduce healthy lifestyle changes. Still, he can get away with it. Go to his website if you don't agree with me. Check out his recipes. Just inform yourself. If you are concerned about your health, you need to work at keeping yourself healthy. Nothing comes easy.
Find something you enjoy doing to keep yourself active. Go for walks with your family. Have bike rides in the evening. Join a Zumba or Bollywood class. Learn what foods are good for you. You should spend money on food. It goes into your body. Movies, clothes and other material possessions, things we seem to have no issue paying for, usually do not affect our health as much.
Jamie Oliver is by far my biggest hero.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Sandwich Generation, Dealing with Dementia
I suppose my parents' generation had the potential of being a part this phenomenon, but not so much as our generation. I was lucky enough to have both of my grandmothers around until I was in university. Unfortunately, one grandmother lived in Trinidad, so we hardly saw her. The other, my Oma, lived in Canada, but when we did visit her, it was not a pleasant experience. She was critical of the way our parents had raised us, and instead of spoiling us, she chastised us. Both my grandmothers were in relatively good health, up until they died.
My parents are getting older, as we all are, but in the last few years, their mortality has finally hit home. I had children at an older age, and both of them are under six years old. My mother was an older mom too. I recently turned 40, but I think the realization that my parents are in their 70s was a harder hit. My kids have an older mom, but much older grandparents. I assumed my folks would be around for another decade or so because my own grandmothers lasted until their mid 80s. It is looking as though we might have to consider the possibility of a home for my mother, sooner rather than later.
My mother was diagnosed a couple years ago with borderline dementia. She has not officially been assessed in two years, but whatever she has has progressed to the point that I fear my children will not have their grandmother with them in a few years. Even if she is still living, she will not be the person she was. She, of course, is in denial about her illness. When she is lucid, she thinks she is getting better. When she is not lucid, she does not realize she is not.
I think the most upsetting aspect of this situation is that my children will never get to really know my mother. My children are fortunate to have all four grandparents, living and relatively healthy. I never knew my grandfathers, and my children luckily have both of theirs. Unfortunately, both of their grandmothers have health issues, dementia and a pace maker. My kids might be young when they lose their grandmothers, but old enough to have, and remember, feelings of loss.
I sometimes wish I lived closer to my parents so I could help out my dad. His solution to the situation with my mother is to keep himself healthy, but that might not be his choice. So far, he is doing okay, but he is accident prone. And, who knows, maybe he will get sick too. I think, at the very least, he needs to enlist the help of friends and neighbours. He does not want to upset my mother because she does not want people to know what is happening to her. I joke that she will be angry for a few minutes, but then forget that her friends know. This is probably the reality of the situation.
My father also has to come to grips with the fact that he is now a caregiver. I said my mom needs a "playgroup", and in a sense she does. She needs routine, and something to keep her engaged. My kids are becoming more and more independent, but I still need to take them to structured activities to keep them engaged and occupied. My dad can no longer leave my mom to fend for herself. She is becoming less and less independent, much to her chagrin.
He is going to have to modify his life so he can spend it with her. Otherwise, he needs to convince her she needs a companion/health care worker to spend time with her. Again, the loss of independence will make it difficult to convince my mother that she needs help. She is still resentful of my father for not letting her take her driver's test a third time. My mom should not be driving, and will never pass a driver's test, but she blames my dad for the lss of her driver's license.
I will be spending a week with them after the long weekend. It seems to me that my mother is steamrolling downhill, and I want to spend as much time with her as possible. She is especially confused by abstract concepts like time, and I find phone conversations are becoming more and more difficult. I would like her to have more physical presence with my children.
This is such a frustrated disease, and I hate how quickly it seems to be progressing. I fear for her safety. I do not think she should ever be left alone. Dad wants to keep her home as long as possible, but that means he has to give up a lot of his freedom. He did not have to worry too much about this when we were kids because my mom was there. He has now become a single parent, and we know how tough of a job that is. Now, imagine parenting your spouse. This sucks.
My parents are getting older, as we all are, but in the last few years, their mortality has finally hit home. I had children at an older age, and both of them are under six years old. My mother was an older mom too. I recently turned 40, but I think the realization that my parents are in their 70s was a harder hit. My kids have an older mom, but much older grandparents. I assumed my folks would be around for another decade or so because my own grandmothers lasted until their mid 80s. It is looking as though we might have to consider the possibility of a home for my mother, sooner rather than later.
My mother was diagnosed a couple years ago with borderline dementia. She has not officially been assessed in two years, but whatever she has has progressed to the point that I fear my children will not have their grandmother with them in a few years. Even if she is still living, she will not be the person she was. She, of course, is in denial about her illness. When she is lucid, she thinks she is getting better. When she is not lucid, she does not realize she is not.
I think the most upsetting aspect of this situation is that my children will never get to really know my mother. My children are fortunate to have all four grandparents, living and relatively healthy. I never knew my grandfathers, and my children luckily have both of theirs. Unfortunately, both of their grandmothers have health issues, dementia and a pace maker. My kids might be young when they lose their grandmothers, but old enough to have, and remember, feelings of loss.
I sometimes wish I lived closer to my parents so I could help out my dad. His solution to the situation with my mother is to keep himself healthy, but that might not be his choice. So far, he is doing okay, but he is accident prone. And, who knows, maybe he will get sick too. I think, at the very least, he needs to enlist the help of friends and neighbours. He does not want to upset my mother because she does not want people to know what is happening to her. I joke that she will be angry for a few minutes, but then forget that her friends know. This is probably the reality of the situation.
My father also has to come to grips with the fact that he is now a caregiver. I said my mom needs a "playgroup", and in a sense she does. She needs routine, and something to keep her engaged. My kids are becoming more and more independent, but I still need to take them to structured activities to keep them engaged and occupied. My dad can no longer leave my mom to fend for herself. She is becoming less and less independent, much to her chagrin.
He is going to have to modify his life so he can spend it with her. Otherwise, he needs to convince her she needs a companion/health care worker to spend time with her. Again, the loss of independence will make it difficult to convince my mother that she needs help. She is still resentful of my father for not letting her take her driver's test a third time. My mom should not be driving, and will never pass a driver's test, but she blames my dad for the lss of her driver's license.
I will be spending a week with them after the long weekend. It seems to me that my mother is steamrolling downhill, and I want to spend as much time with her as possible. She is especially confused by abstract concepts like time, and I find phone conversations are becoming more and more difficult. I would like her to have more physical presence with my children.
This is such a frustrated disease, and I hate how quickly it seems to be progressing. I fear for her safety. I do not think she should ever be left alone. Dad wants to keep her home as long as possible, but that means he has to give up a lot of his freedom. He did not have to worry too much about this when we were kids because my mom was there. He has now become a single parent, and we know how tough of a job that is. Now, imagine parenting your spouse. This sucks.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Changing Perspectives
I am a teacher, but I am also a parent. Recently, my perspective on what I find acceptable at school from students has been changing. A lot of it stems from the fact that I know many of the parents of students in the schools where I work. I also know the children outside of school. As a parent, I also know how difficult it can be at times.
Recently, a student came to a school wearing a Halloween costume. Now, he probably had to change from his pajamas into this costume. The teachers were quite unimpressed, and were making comments about how the child must have the mother wrapped around his finger. Some of these teachers are parents themselves, however, they are not parents of this child.
Who knows what battles the parents are fighting at home. No, it was not appropriate for the child to come to school in costume in May, but at least he was at school. Ideally, a change of clothes could have been placed in the backpack, but when you are rushing to get your child on the bus, things get forgotten. I almost had my daughter in the van in only her underwear this morning. We battled for 30 minutes because she refused to get dressed. Luckily, we were not late for school, as she pointed out. She told me this afternoon that she did not make good choices this morning.
At daycare she was always so quiet. At school she is generally well behaved, and polite. At home, she has a temper, and when she sets her mind on something, there is no budging. So, if I send my child to school in her pajamas, does that mean she wins? Does she have me wrapped around her finger? Or, have I decided this was not a battle worth fighting? I spent the morning arguing with my child to get dressed for school. We were both yelling at each other, and eventually I was so frustrated with her, I stopped talking. Some days, you just want it to be easy. If that means a Halloween costume, so be it.
I am hoping my experience with willful, stubborn children (because my son is just as pigheaded) will inform the way I deal with students and parents. My children are polite and respectful most of the time. They are well behaved outside of the family setting. But, they do like to push their boundaries and see what it is they can get away with at home. Often, the testing period occurs in the 20 minutes we have to get ready for school.
Here's hoping tomorrow morning runs smoothly, and my daughter makes some good choices. I need to be able to get out of the house on time. Tomorrow, I am working, so I cannot "miss the bus".
Recently, a student came to a school wearing a Halloween costume. Now, he probably had to change from his pajamas into this costume. The teachers were quite unimpressed, and were making comments about how the child must have the mother wrapped around his finger. Some of these teachers are parents themselves, however, they are not parents of this child.
Who knows what battles the parents are fighting at home. No, it was not appropriate for the child to come to school in costume in May, but at least he was at school. Ideally, a change of clothes could have been placed in the backpack, but when you are rushing to get your child on the bus, things get forgotten. I almost had my daughter in the van in only her underwear this morning. We battled for 30 minutes because she refused to get dressed. Luckily, we were not late for school, as she pointed out. She told me this afternoon that she did not make good choices this morning.
At daycare she was always so quiet. At school she is generally well behaved, and polite. At home, she has a temper, and when she sets her mind on something, there is no budging. So, if I send my child to school in her pajamas, does that mean she wins? Does she have me wrapped around her finger? Or, have I decided this was not a battle worth fighting? I spent the morning arguing with my child to get dressed for school. We were both yelling at each other, and eventually I was so frustrated with her, I stopped talking. Some days, you just want it to be easy. If that means a Halloween costume, so be it.
I am hoping my experience with willful, stubborn children (because my son is just as pigheaded) will inform the way I deal with students and parents. My children are polite and respectful most of the time. They are well behaved outside of the family setting. But, they do like to push their boundaries and see what it is they can get away with at home. Often, the testing period occurs in the 20 minutes we have to get ready for school.
Here's hoping tomorrow morning runs smoothly, and my daughter makes some good choices. I need to be able to get out of the house on time. Tomorrow, I am working, so I cannot "miss the bus".
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